


Bitter Cold

by celestialusts



Category: NCT (Band), NCT Dream
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Best Friends, Break Up, Cheating, Heartbreak, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:34:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28067856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celestialusts/pseuds/celestialusts
Summary: A sweet surprise turns bitter cold, when Jaemin comes home to find his boyfriend pressing his best friend against the kitchen counter.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Jung Sungchan/Na Jaemin, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 50
Kudos: 349





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> angsty nomin & fluffy jaemchan!
> 
> twitter: [ @celestialusts ](https://twitter.com/celestialusts) | curiouscat: [ @celestialusts ](http://curiouscat.me/celestialusts)

Jaemin swears he can hear his back breaking for the umpteenth times as he stretches on the poor excuse of a bus seat, hands raised up as he yawns.

The journey from Jeonju to Seoul usually takes an average of two hours, but it's been two hours and almost thirty minutes and he has still not arrived. But what was he expecting when he booked a ticket with the lowest price available from the shabby bus station in Jeonju? Definitely not the newest of its kind, and definitely not one to arrive on time.

However, the bumpy and rough evening Friday journey doesn't bother Jaemin one bit as he gazes down at his lockscreen with a soft, endearing smile.

Displayed on his lockscreen, is a picture of him with his boyfriend, whom he had not met for over five months now. They were both laughing at each other, arms wrapped around one another and his boyfriend's eyes had crinkled into crescents.

_You're so beautiful._

Jaemin faintly sighs.

He always feels bad for not being able to visit the other often.

After all, they are both university students who live hundreds of miles away from each other, whose comfort is through their late night calls or occasional weekend FaceTimes. But none of those can amount to the feeling of the warm embrace the latter has always given him, the tender kisses they intimately share and the little smiles they give one another whenever their eyes meet.

Jaemin misses him, he misses _Jeno_ so much that it fucking hurts.

They're so in love with each other, but when has life ever let things as they are?

Jaemin was offered a spot in Psychology at a university in Jeonju, a course he's always dreamed of pursuing and Jeno, he was offered a scholarship in the prestigious Korea National University of Arts majoring in dance. How could have they declined their dreams?

So they made a promise, that they'll make it work. _No matter what happens._

And that includes constant arguing and fights because sometimes Jaemin gets caught up with his assignments that he forgets Jeno is waiting for him for a facetime, or that Jeno becomes too occupied with his dance practice that he doesn't see the ten incoming calls from Jaemin.

Their first year making it work as university students was hard, both physically and mentally. They were always fighting, arguing and it was just... exhausting.

But Jaemin didn't want to give up them.

They eventually came to terms with one another and now that they're in their second year, their relationship is stronger and better. Although their calls become less frequent and their facetimes are always cut short because Jeno has practices after practices. But Jaemin understands. At least, he tries to.

Jaemin turns to gaze outside the window, eyes closing in contentment as he lets the chilly breeze of winter to hit his visage quietly.

And as he peeks one eye open, he sees a big 'Seoul' signboard by the highway and his smile widens.

_I can't wait to meet you, love._

"Hi, can I have a cup of Lee Donghyuck's hugs?" Jaemin playfully sings as he props his elbows on the wooden counter, waiting for the other boy to turn around.

And just like Jaemin has expected, Donghyuck's eyes widen in obvious shock before he abandons the half-filled coffee cup and runs towards his friend, engulfing him in a big, warm bear hug.

"Jaemin! You didn't tell me you'd be back home!" Donghyuck cries, tightening the hug as Jaemin breaks out into a chuckle, rubbing the latter's back gently before both of them pull off.

Jaemin grins. "Surprise?"

The other boy pouts and hits Jaemin's arm lightly. "It's not funny! You don't know how much I've missed you... you haven't been back for like, five months? I'm Jaemin-deprived." Donghyuck whines before pulling him to a table situated not far from the counter.

"My shift ends in 20 minutes, wait for me, and that ends with a period, not a question mark. Which means, like it or not, you're to be here until I finish my shift." Donghyuck narrows his eyes, doing a gesture of I'll-watch-you with two of his fingers.

"And I'll bring your favourite iced Americano, 4 shots of espresso and no water." Donghyuck winks.

Jaemin beams brightly, nodding like a baby.

"Nana... stop drinking too many coffee, it's not good!" Jeno whined, trying to take the cup away from Jaemin while he stealthily avoided the latter.

Jaemin quickly finished the last sip of coffee before putting the cup down, then shifting his attention to the sulking boy who sighed and turned away.

But Jaemin knew exactly how to melt the older boy's heart, when he sneakily coiled his arms around his waist and rested his chin on his shoulder. Jeno sighed again, but this time the sigh wasn't heavy, but more like what-do-I-even-do-with-you kind of sigh.

"You know I can't stay mad at you if you keep on looking at me with those pretty eyes of yours." Jeno said, as he had his head turned slightly to the side and his eyes caught in a gaze with Jaemin. The younger boy was looking at him so dearly, that Jeno didn't have the heart to stay mad for any longer.

"Fine. But I still don't like you drinking too much coffee or I'll have to cut down on your daily kisses!" A cute whine from Jaemin was enough for Jeno to groan out before pulling the boy in for a needy, coffee-tainted kiss.

Jaemin shakes his head with a slight curve of his lips. He smiles, again.

The thought of his lover has never failed to bring joy to him, and his thought is cut short when Donghyuck places a cup of iced Americano in front of him and proceeds to sit down across the table, facing Jaemin.

"Are you here for long?"

"What? Already chasing me away?" Jaemin fakes a pout earning a playful eyeroll from Donghyuck. "Just for the weekend."

Jaemin then continues. "It's actually exam week next week... but today's my 4th anniversary with Jeno and I don't want to miss it again, you know, like last year."

Donghyuck nods understandingly. "So, a chocolate cake and a bouquet of flowers from next door, am I correct?"

With a enthusiastic beam, he nods his head profusely. "You're the best, Lee Donghyuck! I'll treat you to... tteokbokki! I'm a _bit_ on a budget, you know." Jaemin adds the last line with a sheepish grin.

"Jeno gets a cake and a bouquet of flowers and I get tteokbokki. Ouch." Donghyuck clutches his chest, pretending to be hurt before emitting a laugh.

"Oh! I haven't told Renjun I'm back here in Seoul. Where is he? His apartment?" Jaemin asks for his other best friend, to which Donghyuck shrugs honestly. "I'm not sure too... it's either he's still at the university or he's home. He's always with Jeno, maybe when you meet Jeno later you can ask him!"

Renjun is Jaemin's other best friend whom he has been friends with since high school, same with Donghyuck. He goes to the same university as Jeno does, so it puts Jaemin at ease knowing that Jeno has a friend to depend on and Jaemin can count on Jeno to look out for Renjun too.

After a while, Donghyuck comes back with a box of cake and a pretty bouquet of daisies and Jaemin can't thank him enough.

Jaemin adjusts his backpack and carries the box and the flowers with him, with a smile never leaving his face.

Standing in front of their shared apartment after five long months, Jaemin feels both excited and nervous.

"I hope he's home." Jaemin mutters.

The elevator ride is dreadfully long, as Jaemin can't wait to already fall into Jeno's embrace.

Jaemin makes sure to be as quiet as possible as he unlocks the door, and when he steps inside, he lets out a small smile.

_Jeno is_ _home._

But what Jaemin doesn't notice is a pair of white, worn out sneakers that belong to a heartbreak, right under the shoe rack as he skips through.

The apartment is awfully, and uneasily quiet, Jaemin notices.

Jaemin thinks that Jeno might be in their bedroom so he decides to head for it. But he freezes when he hears the lewd exchange of moans and grunts coming from the kitchen. His heart _drops_. He shakes his head. 

_That can't be him._

But the noises get louder and louder and Jaemin's feet remain stuck on the wooden floor, biting his lower lip to stop his tears from falling. His grip on both the box's ribbon and the bouquet of flowers tighten.

The only thing that is separating him from the source of the disturbing noises is just a thin wall, and Jaemin doesn't know if he has the courage to see what's behind the wall. He doesn't want to.

_No, no, no..._ Jaemin forcibly shakes his head, in pure denial.

"J-Jeno... a-ah..." A voice, all too familiar, moans out his lover's name, and Jaemin shuts his eyes close as he listens to his lover reciprocating the call with an airy voice, and Jaemin can hear the sounds of kisses being desperately exchanged. He decides that he's had enough.

When Jaemin turns to see the heartbreaking sight in front of him, his lips tremble and he can only croak out a devastated, almost whisper-like, "J-Jeno...?"

His grip on the box and the flowers loosen, and they both fall onto the floor, with a thud. Together with them, is a heart trampled and shattered into pieces.

Both Jeno and... _Renjun_ turn, eyes widened.

"N-Nana...?" Jeno calls out as he lets go of his hold around the petite boy, with the other boy doing the same, and only turning to face the other way instead, in _shame_.

Jaemin shakes his head, again and again, tears streaming down his face as he cups his mouth to stop his pathetic sobbing. He doesn't want to believe it.

As Jeno makes his way towards the crying boy, his heart feels heavy. He doesn't know what to do or what to say. But he just wants Jaemin to stop crying, because the sight of him crying and breaking down, fucking _tears_ him apart.

"Nana, _please_. Let me explain..." Jeno practically begs as he walks towards the trembling figure, who extends a hand out as a shield as he steps backwards, until his back is pressed against the wall.

"Please... Don't come closer..." Jaemin cries out, his voice breaking with every word he utters.

When Jaemin looks up at Jeno with his eyes red, tears still falling down his delicate cheeks and his lips trembling, Jeno just wants to hug him. _Fuck_ , he misses Jaemin so fucking much, and to see him tattered, and worse, him being the cause of it all ― Jeno feels sick.

_What have I done?_

A regret that comes a little too late, a damage that is beyond repair.

Jeno holds Jaemin's wrist which is putting a barrier between them, tightly, and uses this chance to pull him closer to him despite Jaemin's harsh wriggling and punching on his chest.

"Let me go! Fuck you, Lee Jeno! Fuck you!" Jaemin finally screams. Jeno shuts his eyes close as he holds his lover closer, ignoring the stinging pain caused from the hard punching and hitting on his chest. He doesn't want to let go.

It's selfish of him, he knows. But all in all, Lee Jeno has _always_ been selfish.

"I'm sorry, Nana... I'm sorry... Please... I'm so sorry..." He mutters the meaningless words over and over again like a broken record. But Jaemin's heart is fractured, undone.

He's so... so, _so_ fucking hurt. What has he done wrong?

"Why...?" Jaemin weakly croaks out. "How could you do this to me, Jeno?" His breath hitches. 

"Why did you have to break me so bad?" Jaemin's voice comes out as a whisper, barely audible, yet carries the weight of the _world_.

"I gave you my everything, Jeno! You wanted time, I gave you time! You wanted space, I gave you space! I tried everything to make this relationship work, to make _us_ work."

_"Everything._ " Jaemin chokes on his tears, murmuring the last word. He can't seem to continue. His clenched fists grow weak on the older boy's chest and he is no longer hitting him but just, clutching, onto the thin fabric of Jeno's black shirt. "Why was I not enough?" He asks, looking up at his lover, who seems to be looking for words to say. 

Jaemin's eyes look at Jeno with so much desperation, with an apparent deafening cry for Jeno to tell him ― _to tell him that everything's a lie._

Jaemin continues, his voice soft and weak. "Why?"

At this point, Jeno has started crying and Renjun has his head hung low. To say that Renjun is ashamed, is an understatement. He _knew_ he should've pushed Jeno away the moment Jeno kissed him as they both were drunk, and it would've hurt Jaemin, _his_ best friend to know.

But having Jeno's lips pressed against his, on God, Renjun couldn't think straight. He wanted more. _They_ wanted more.

"I felt lonely, Nana." Jeno begins, and Jaemin releases a cynical laugh. He doesn't believe what he's hearing.

"Lonely?"

Jeno knows his excuses come out so coward-ish, but Jeno doesn't know what to do.

Jaemin uses all his will to push Jeno away.

He hates it how the older boy's embrace still feels warm, and how his faint vanilla scent is still Jaemin's favourite scent in the world, and how his arms still wrap so perfectly around his skinnier figure. He hates it that Jeno still _feels_ the same.

But his heart, _how could it change so easily?_

"I didn't know what to do! I got tired of always fighting and arguing with you, and when you just kept on getting busier with your part-time jobs and assignments, I felt lonely! We didn't have time for each other. Five months, Nana." Jeno pauses. He knows he's just going to hurt Jaemin more and more with his words, but he wants to try to justify himself.

Perhaps, _just perhaps,_ maybe Jaemin will find it in himself to understand and forgive him.

"I just found myself getting close with Renjun, and eventually... it happened. It happened so fast, and now we're here. But please, trust me, I _never_ meant to hurt you! I never―"

Jaemin grits his teeth. "Stop." He continues.

He scoffs, wiping the remaining of his tears harshly. He feels pathetic. "You think _I_ don't get lonely, Jeno? You think I don't fucking get lonely?"

"Everytime I get lonely and start missing you, you know what I'll do? I'll just cry myself to sleep, watch our videos, or just... do anything that reminds me of _you_. Whenever we fought, I'd always blame myself, I'd start questioning if I'm worth it, I'd start hating myself, I'd start doubting myself. I wanted to be better for you! That's why I didn't question you, not a bit when you didn't answer my calls, when you barely spoke with me during our FaceTimes, because I didn't want to pester you! I didn't want you to grow tired of me!" Jaemin yells. His chest is heaving up and down, and he's just so angry and disappointed.

"Almost every fucking day I sleep with a longing heart, Jeno. Every _fucking_ day. Do you think I don't miss you? Heck, I fucking do! But did I find comfort in another person? Did I?" Jaemin starts taunting Jeno as he pokes his finger again and again on the latter's chest, who has his eyes glued on the floor. Jaemin's continuous actions caused Jeno to stumble backwards, but he doesn't do anything to stop him. "I didn't! Because unlike you, Jeno, I actually _love_ you enough to stay!"

Jaemin looks over Jeno's shoulder and sees Renjun's cowering figure in the back. "And how could _you_ , out of all people, do this to me, Jun?" Jaemin's voice breaks.

Renjun doesn't have a choice but to turn around, and lift his head to meet the eyes of a friend that has been nothing but good to him, and _he_ betrayed him.

"I'm..." Renjun is loss for words.

"Enough."

"Enough, Jun. You know what... you can have Jeno. You can have him all you want because I'm fucking done." Jaemin finishes in one breath, and he feels a sense of relief, but the throbbing pain in his heart doesn't go away as easily.

Jaemin has to be strong, he _has_ to.

And he takes out a nicely wrapped black gift box, stares at it for a few seconds before diverting his gaze towards Jeno whose face remains apologetic and guilty as earlier. Jaemin remains quiet as he reaches out for Jeno's hand, to the older boy's confusion, before he eases his clenched fist until his palm is laid out. Then, softly, he places the box.

"Happy 4th anniversary, Lee Jeno." He bites his lower lip to stop himself from another wave of tears coming out. "Let's not see each other again. We're..." Jaemin takes in a deep breath.

"We're _done._ "

And just like that, Jaemin leaves the apartment which holds so much of the sweet remembrance of a young love as well as the bitter taste of betrayal.

It isn't until Jaemin gets out of the apartment building that he collapses, kneeling down and clutching his chest. He cries again, trembling.

"I fucking hate you, Lee Jeno! I fucking hate you, Huang Renjun!" He screams.

The sky is already way beyond the glistening beauty of a sunset, laced with pitch blackness that seems to reflect Jaemin's mind.

How is it possible to lose two people he truly loves in a matter of seconds? _How?_

_I need you, Hyuck..._

Jaemin finds his way to rest against the brick-red wall of the building, and he fishes his phone out with still, shaky hands and dials a number.

"...Jaemin?" Donghyuck carefully answers.

"I need you, Hyuck..." And that is enough for Donghyuck to come rushing for his best friend, because in ten minutes, Donghyuck shows up in a pyjama and tousled hair in the middle of the winter, only covered by a thin layer of jacket. But his face wears such a worried look that Jaemin can't help but to smile weakly at.

Donghyuck doesn't say a word and he helps to carry Jaemin up, softly uttering, "Let's go home, Jaemin. Let's go _home._ "

"That fucking asshole, and fucking Renjun, fuck." Donghyuck scowls in anger. "I'm going to fucking kill them."

Jaemin just shakes his head, snuggling closer to Donghyuck as he sobs. "It's okay..."

Donghyuck feels growingly irritated at his best friend's words, Jaemin has _always_ been like that. Selfless, kind, forgiving. But some assholes just don't deserve good things in life, and yes, Donghyuck totally means Lee fucking Jeno and Huang fucking Renjun.

Donghyuck gently caresses Jaemin's hair, playing with it because he knows how much it calms him down.

"Baby?" Mark calls out softly as he taps Donghyuck's shoulder to which the younger boy turns to his side and tilts his head upwards. He is greeted with his boyfriend looking down at him lovingly, as the older boy raises up two plastic bags full of Chinese food.

"I'll set the food and you two can come and eat whenever you two feel like it, mhm?" Mark says gently. 

Jaemin tugs Mark's hand who is passing by him, before looking up.

"I hope you don't mind me stealing your boyfriend for the day. I just really need my best friend now..."

To which Mark chuckles, as he ruffles Jaemin's hair lightly. "No worries, Jaemin. Take all the time you need."

Jaemin remains quiet, engulfed in Donghyuck's arms and his mind bringing him to places he doesn't want to remember.

He remembers how Jeno would never let Jaemin sleep without having him wrapped around his figure.

He remembers how Jeno would always swap food with him because he decides that he wants Jeno's and not his.

He remembers how Jeno would unconsciously play with his hair gently when they're cuddling. _He remembers._

He also remembers the boy who gave him so much to love, but also the same boy who walked over his love like it meant nothing.

_How do I move on from you, Lee Jeno?_

Jaemin has to. Time heals, they say.

But they never really say that the process, sometimes hurts.

Because right now, all Jaemin wants is nothing but to go back into Jeno's arms. To be back in _his_ home, and the fact that he can't, kills him.

"What if I can't move on from him, Hyuck? He's... he's the only one I've loved, he's still the one I love." Jaemin asks softly. He looks down, as his tears start cascading down his cheeks again.

"Moving on takes time, Jaemin. It can be days, weeks, months and years, even. But when the day comes where you remember him and it doesn't hurt anymore, I'll be right here for you, still. I'll be at every step of your way and I won't budge even if you find me annoying." Donghyuck adds to which Jaemin weakly chuckles at.

Jaemin holds his best friend's hand, squeezing it gently. "Thank you, Hyuck. _Thank you_."

Jaemin learns that life can be _bitter cold_ , cruel even, but nothing beats a warm hug and a best friend that cares.

Situated in front of the lone, cold bed, is a devastated Jeno.

Renjun had left after a big fight with Jeno, and they decided to cut everything off.

Jeno is left, with nothing but regrets and guilt that come a little too late.

And a little late, is _still_ late.

He has been crying, muttering 'sorry' time and time again, wishing it will bring _his J_ aemin back. He wants to laugh at how idiotic he looks, with his hair disheveled, his shirt undone, his fists bleeding from all the walls he'd punched and a prettily wrapped gift box in his hands.

And when he opens the box, his heart drops. _Fuck._

Because it's a watch that Jeno has always wanted, a tad bit too expensive, and Jeno doesn't think Jaemin would remember.

But right now, give him the most expensive watch in the whole fucking world, he'd still crave for Jaemin's warmth.

"You fucked up, Lee Jeno. Now you're never, _never_ going to get him back." Jeno berates at himself, letting out a sad, pathetic laugh.

And as selfish as this sounds, Jeno _misses_ Jaemin. He fucking misses Jaemin.

He'd do anything to turn back time and undo the mistakes he'd done, but if life is that easy, Jaemin wouldn't be crying his heart out and Jeno wouldn't be a fucking mess, would they?

For people like Jeno, life _is_ unforgivingly bitter cold. Because he no longer has the person who'd give him the warmest hugs, and he doesn't have a best friend that cares.

When Jaemin walked away, he brought everything along. _Everything._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how do you like it?
> 
> i'd really love it if you share this if you think this is worth sharing and your feedbacks, regarding anything is highly appreciated.
> 
> leave kudos and comments, if you like it! thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

Jeno heaves a deep sigh as he comes home, the clock pointing three and the skies painted grey. Jeno is no longer blonde, his hair coloured in the darkest pitch of black. Jaemin's favourite hair colour on him.

Seven months have passed, and he's still the same; _grieving and grave._

When Jaemin left, Jeno knew it's going to hurt, but he didn't know that he's going to deal with hell of a heartbreak, that never seems to go away. He loathes coming back home to the apartment, for it was a place that used to be _theirs._ He prefers to just sleep or stay in the dance practice room, practicing until his muscles wear out and his mind goes blank.

He doesn't want to remember Jaemin anymore, not because he no longer loves the latter, but because the guilt of hurting the person he loves the most was eating him up alive. _How could he do that to Jaemin? How could he hurt someone he claimed to have loved so much?_

"I miss you, Nana." Jeno's hoarse voice breaks the silence of the room, leaning his head back to the chocolate-painted couch, his eyes staring emptily at the ceiling.

He sees the little glow-in-the-dark stickers plastered on the ceiling, and unknowingly, a sad, longing smile makes its way to grace his sculptured face.

"Please, Jeno! Please!" Jaemin pleaded at Jeno to agree into buying a few packets of glow-in-the-dark stickers, claiming that they'd make their apartment looks prettier. Jeno sighed for the umpteenth times, shaking his head and taking the packets of stickers out of the trolley, trying to put them back on the rack.

But Jaemin's sulky face caused Jeno to halt, as he found his lover's antics to be very cute and inviting. He laughed.

"Nana, are you seriously sulking over these stickers? It's not that I don't want to buy them, but I don't think it's necessary." Jeno said, holding both of Jaemin's arms and squeezing them gently, leaning down to slightly look at the boy who had his eyes glued to the floor.

Jaemin didn't budge, and Jeno chuckled. A light sigh escaped the blonde boy's lips before he gave in.

He took the sets of stickers again, putting them into the trolley before pulling Jaemin into a quick peck. "There you go. But promise me that you won't stare at those all the time and stop staring at me?" Jeno faked a frown.

His boyfriend grinned, tightly hugging Jeno before letting go, a big smile plastered on his face as he nodded cutely. "Thank you, baby! I promise!"

Jeno found himself falling in love again. Jaemin was too beautiful.

And he hurt the most beautiful soul the world had blessed him with.

You only really know how much a person means to you, when they're _gone._

And Jeno learnt that, the hard way.

Countless of times had Jeno wanted to try to mend everything. That one time, he ended up in front of Jaemin's apartment in Jeonju two weeks after the breakup, holding a bouquet of red roses and a small box of Jaemin's favourite cake.

But when he heard the approaching footsteps, and the voice of Jaemin speaking to someone over the phone. Jeno hesitated.

So he walked away, _like the coward he had always been._

The thing with cheaters is that, they’ll _always_ come back, at least they’ll try to. In the end, it’s them who fall into the endless loop of regrets and longing.

And Jeno is _exactly_ that.

He sighs heavily, staring at a picture sitting in his gallery. A picture of him and Jaemin on their first anniversary, both graced with such bright smiles.

Especially _Jaemin_.

"Are you doing okay, Nana?" Jeno mumbles to himself. _I hope you are, please... forget me._

Donghyuck hugs his crying best friend, gently holding the fragile boy in his arms as he pats his back endearingly.

"I... I miss him so, _so_ much, Hyuck." Jaemin croaks out, burying his head on the crook of his best friend's neck, sobbing.

They're at Jaemin's small apartment, as Donghyuck has come over to stay for the weekend. Jaemin has been stressed out from the abundance of assignments, and catching deadlines after deadlines. So when he comes across a polaroid of him and Jeno accidentally, placed in between the pages of an old novel he wanted to throw away...

He can't help but to break down.

For months he has been trying hard to remove any possible traces of the boy namely Lee Jeno, and foolishly, even after seven months, his feelings never actually falter. Donghyuck had forced Jaemin to get rid of Jeno from everything; his contacts, his messages, his pictures, his belongings, _everything._

One day Donghyuck came into his room, bringing a large box, Jaemin got an idea of what was to come. But he wasn't ready.

"But, Hyuck—" "Throw them." Jaemin hesitantly complied. He knew Donghyuck wanted the best for him, but removing someone so dear to him, he was reluctant. He was reluctant to remove Lee Jeno from his life.

He hates it that he loves the boy still so much, and if anytime Jeno comes up to him and asks for him back, Jaemin is scared that he'll say _yes_.

The polaroid was taken right after Jeno had asked him to become his boyfriend, back in second year of high school. Jaemin's heart burns and he realizes, he's never really moved on. All the months, he spent holding back his tears and pretending he's fine when asked, were a goddamn facade.

A mask to hide what truly is underneath, _a boy who had loved too much, and broken by love, he was._

"I thought I was doing well, Hyuck..." Jaemin starts, and Donghyuck listens to him attentively.

"But I just came across a picture of us again, and I just, I just _can't_. I miss him. Fuck, I miss him so fucking much." Jaemin cries, his voice cracking at the end.

Moving on is difficult, and Jaemin doesn't know how much longer he'll be able to try.

Donghyuck places his palm on the back of the boy's head, caressing it. "Jaemin, it's okay. It's okay. I'm here, aren't I? You can cry all you want, scream if you feel like it's going to help you feel less frustrated. _I'm here."_

Jaemin feels at ease knowing that Donghyuck has never left him through his random breakdowns, and constant longing for the older boy. Donghyuck is _always_ there, through it all.

"Moving on isn't easy. I've seen how it took a toll on Mark when he first broke up with his ex-boyfriend before, but he's much happier now, isn't he? It didn't take him a day, or two, or a week. He took a full year to actually be able to look at his ex-boyfriend's pictures without breaking down. It's a tough journey, but you'll get there."

Donghyuck tightens his hold around Jaemin as he continues.

"My best friend is _strong,_ isn't he? He has the most beautiful smile in the whole world, just that the world seems to be losing a lot of it recently." Donghyuck adds, pulling off slightly and breaking the hug. His heart breaks as he gazes at the tattered boy in front of him. Jaemin has tears still falling down his delicate cheeks, his eyes red and his lips are trembling. _Just how much have you broken him, Lee Jeno? Just how much?_

He wipes the tears off his best friend's face, cupping his face before grinning. "Next week, you're coming to Seoul, right? What about we go to the party that Mark's friend will be hosting?"

Jaemin frowns, shaking his head. "You know I don't enjoy―" "Parties, I know. But this can be a chance for you to loosen up and let free, you know? Ever since the... _breakup_ ," Donghyuck carefully utters. "...you've been drowning yourself in work and assignments, you're always home. You only go out when I force you to, which is whenever I come over here, and that's like once a month. So this time, let's _go_."

Jaemin wants to refuse. He really isn't a fan of loud parties, or blasting music, which is _ironic_ because when he was with Jeno, he'd always try to accompany Jeno when the latter was practicing. Loud, booming music often fills the practice room. But Jaemin didn't care. Because Jeno _loved_ it.

"Fine. But just this one time." Jaemin says, finally agreeing to which Donghyuck beams brightly at. His cheeks go up and he pats Jaemin on the head. "Good."

Jaemin then wipes the residue of his tears, sniffling as he sits up straight, eyes narrowed at his best friend.

"But promise me you won't ditch me to be with Mark and if you're going anywhere, bring me with you! I'll be the third-wheeler." Jaemin says, whining a little. He hates being in a place where he doesn't know anybody, as he's pretty much an introvert. And... parties, _really_ aren't his thing.

Donghyuck gives him a playful grin. "Do you still want to be with us if we decided to get naught―" "LEE DONGHYUCK!" And Donghyuck gets kicked off the bed, with a loud thud, a painful groan and a fit of giggle all at once.

The loud booming music can be heard even from outside the house, and beside Jaemin is a nervous Donghyuck to which Jaemin chuckles at.

"You know, you're a bit too nervous for someone who invited _me_ to a party _your_ boyfriend's friend is hosting." Donghyuck gives Jaemin a joking glare, before looking down to his overall outfit, dusting off the non-existent dust on his clothes.

Both of them are dressed rather casually (that's what Donghyuck wants to believe), because from the looks of it, Donghyuck _defnitely_ isn't dressed casually. He has a leather jacket on paired with a white shirt, black ripped jeans, a pair of red Converse and his hair is styled upwards.

Jaemin groans. "Let's just go in." Donghyuck turns to Jaemin with a worried look. "Do I look good? Will he like it? Do you―"

"Baby!" Mark's voice greets the two bickering friends, to which Donghyuck quickly turns to with a wide, nervous smile. "You're here! Ah, Jaemin, I'm so glad you could make it."

Jaemin flashes a small smile, nudging his friend, who seems to be frozen in time. _Ah, young love._ Jaemin chuckles to himself.

Mark wears a charming, sweet smile on his face, hair messily styled up, donned in a casual black shirt tucked into a pair of light blue ripped jeans and with black Vans to complete the look. Donghyuck feels his cheeks burn, because his boyfriend looks _smoking hot._

Rolling his eyes, Jaemin elbows Donghyuck's side. "Yah, the party's going to be over when you stop staring at your boyfriend." Donghyuck gives Jaemin a let-me-have-my-moment look before Mark bursts into a fit of chuckle. "Come on in, and Hyuck, you can do a lot more staring inside."

Donghyuck blushes.

As they get inside, Jaemin is greeted with an even louder sound of music blasting through the room and a bunch of people dancing here and there, chilling around, and Jaemin follows Mark and Donghyuck (who has their hands all over each other as they exchange little whispers and giggles) to the kitchen, where apparently Mark's friends are at.

"Well! Look who's here!" A grinning tall male greets them, proceeding to give Donghyuck a hug while the other two do the same. Jaemin stands awkwardly behind the couple before Mark pulls him gently to the front. 

"This is Donghyuck's best friend, Jaemin." The three unfamiliar figures introduce themselves as Jaehyun, Lucas and Sungchan who warmly welcome Jaemin. Especially Lucas, since he is the one hosting the party.

Jaemin flashes a small grin, quickly finding himself fitting into the group of new friends. He finds Mark and Lucas particularly the loudest in the group, sharing the habit of hitting each other whenever they find something funny, Jaehyun is more of an observer, who chips in jokes at times and laughs more than he talks and _Sungchan..._ he's pretty quiet for the rest of the conversation, just laughing along and sipping his soju at the side.

And as Jaemin is looking at Sungchan, the latter looks right back at him.

Sungchan gives him a small smile, and Jaemin feels a sudden rush of adrenaline when his eyes meet those of Sungchan's sparkling, deer-like ones.

Jaemin only shyly smiles in return.

As much as Jaemin finds the party rather fun, especially when mark and his friends are nothing but friendly to him, Jaemin still feels a bit suffocated.

A tap on the shoulder wakes Jaemin up from his trance and he looks to his side, his head tilting upwards to see Sungchan smiling at him. "Do you perhaps want to take a walk outside?"

And Jaemin nods.

He doesn't know why it was so easy for him to accept the offer, but he probably felt like he needed a breather too, and the latter's offer came right on time.

A comfortable silence accompanies the two as they walk along the sidewalk, and Sungchan notices how thin the layer of clothing Jaemin is wearing so he naturally takes off his denim jacket, wrapping it around Jaemin's shoulders much to the older's surprise. "Huh? But you'll be―" "It's okay, I noticed that you've been shivering since earlier. You can have mine."

“Are you sure?" Sungchan nods with a sweet smile. "Thank you.” Jaemin softly replies, looking down with a small smile.

Sungchan is much taller than Jaemin is, and as compared to Jaemin's dark brown hair, Sungchan's brown hair is a few shades lighter which highlights his fair complexion so well. Jaemin also learns that Sungchan is a year younger but his presence, his attentiveness and just _him_ in general, feels like he's so much older.

"How long have you been friends with Donghyuck?" Sungchan starts.

Jaemin hums lightly, before answering. "Five years now. We've been friends since the start of high school. What about you and Mark?"

Sungchan turns slightly to catch a glimpse of Jaemin before he looks right back ahead, smiling to himself.

"We met through Jaehyun, my older brother." Jaemin's eyes grow wide. "Jaehyun is your brother?" And Sungchan nods with a chuckle. "But I'm much taller, aren't I? Handsome too." He grins sheepishly. Jaemin nods, giggling at the sudden comment. "What is this? Talking behind your brother's back?" Jaemin jokes, and cracks a wide smile.

He hasn't feel this free and cheery in months, and to have someone other than Donghyuck to put a smile on his face, makes Jaemin feel weird, _a good kind of weird._

 _"Tell me more about yourself, Jaemin."_ And pieces come together as Sungchan patches them up, and when Jaemin is finding words to say, Sungchan completes them.

_Like a puzzle piece._

And they continue to walk into the night, talking and laughing, enjoying the comfortable ambience of the night air. Jaemin feels refreshed.

Jaemin brings both of his palms together, rubbing them to exude warmth and Sungchan watches attentively.

"Do you want me to hold your hand?"

Jaemin turns to Sungchan questioningly. "Huh?"

Sungchan gestures to his trembling hands, and Jaemin can feel his cheeks heat up when Sunghcan gently and swiftly wraps his bigger palm around Jaemin's smaller hand, but he doesn't refuse.

In fact, he thinks he kind of likes it? _Wait, what?_ Jaemin internally scolds himself. Is he seriously considering it?

"You're quite bold, aren't you?" Jaemin questions with a playful trance, breaking the silence.

Sungchan lets out a small laugh. He doesn't deny it. "I guess seeing you makes me so, can't really miss a chance." He wittily replies, squeezing Jaemin's hand reassuringly.

And their walk comes to an unfortunate end as they reach the house, and before entering, Jaemin turns to look up at Sungchan with the sweetest smile.

"Thank you for accompanying me tonight, Sungchan. It... it really means a lot to me." A smile, mirroring Jaemin's sweet one graces the younger's face, nodding.

"I think I'm the one who should thank you, for letting me walk with you, _and for letting me take a glimpse of your life._ "

The weekend is quiet, only to be broken by the shuffling sound of the duvet being thrown away onto the floor and a boy climbing up onto the bed.

Jaemin whines as he wraps his arms around his boyfriend's waist, then snuggling onto his broad chest. "Baby! Wake up!"

“Yah! Wake up!” Jaemin practically shakes his boyfriend’s body.

Upon receiving no response from the latter, Jaemin pulls off with a grumble and turns to the other side of the bed, huffing sulkily. "I'm going to ignore you the whole day if you don't wake up now."

And a small chuckle escapes Sungchan's lips as he peeks an eye open, looking at the sulking figure of his boyfriend. He scoots closer, coiling his arms around Jaemin's petite waist, pulling him to his chest as he sweetly places a kiss on the older's shoulder.

"Still going to ignore me?" Sungchan's hoarse morning voice tickles Jaemin's skin as he giggles softly. He turns around and is met with his smiling lover, though still looking a bit half asleep, he shakes his head. "Nope. I'm going to cling onto you _the whole day_." Jaemin grins.

Sungchan leans down to kiss Jaemin's forehead, softly. Before moving down to peck his lips.

He tightens his hold around Jaemin, just staring at the beautiful soul in front of him. he just can't believe that someone as breathtaking as Jaemin, is _his._

It's been two years, and it still feels surreal. It took Sungchan more than a year to court Jaemin, to make Jaemin his, and when the latter finally accepted his confession as they both shared a sweet kiss under the sea of stars, Sungchan was determined to do everything to make Jaemin happy.

_Everything._

Jaemin too, gazes lovingly at the younger boy, whose arms have always grant him warmth and _home_ _._

Despite knowing the history between him and Jeno, Sungchan never once gave up. Even when the younger knew that he might not have a chance, because Jaemin was still so much in love with Jeno even after Sungchan started courting him.

The whole process was scary, uncertain and tricky.

And when Sungchan told him that he's in love with him. Jaemin was scared.

Because he could feel himself feeling the same, but he wasn't sure. He didn't want to hurt Sungchan. Someone who has brought so much happiness to him, someone who grew insanely fast on him, someone who Jaemin was happy when with, he didn't want want to hurt him.

" _I'll wait._ "

And Sungchan really did.

So almost a year later after Sungchan's confession, as they were gazing at the night sky which was decorated with the lucid beauty of a sea of stars, Jaemin asked him.

_"Do you love me, still, Sungchan?"_

And Sungchan's answer made Jaemin sure. Sure, that he wanted Sungchan in his life, _forever._

"I never stopped."

"Not even when you cried into my arms, missing him."

"Or when you pushed me away countless of times, telling me to leave you."

"Not even when you said you'd never love me, not in this lifetime."

Sungchan stopped briefly, before turning to his side to look at Jaemin who did the same. They were both looking at each other, wanting answers.

"I love you, Na Jaemin."

Jaemin smiled.

"Will you be mine then, Jung Sungchan?"

"For as long as our forever lasts."

Sungchan gently places a palm on Jaemin's cheek, his thumb caressing his skin tenderly.

"Am I really that handsome that you can't take your eyes off me?" Sungchan teases with a smug grin to which Jaemin rolls his eyes playfully at, tapping the younger boy's nose. "Says the one who's been looking at me like he wants to eat me alive. _Am I really that handsome that you can't take your eyes off me?_ " Jaemin imitates Sungchan in obvious exaggeration which earns a pinch on the cheek, both of them falling into a pit of giggles.

With a playful grin, Sungchan adds. "Not that I'd deny that I want to eat you alive, though." Jaemin hits him in the chest, blushing.

The cheery atmosphere die down, as they’re both laced with a comfortable silence.

"I'm _so_ lucky to have you, Min." Sungchan breathes softly, hugging the smaller male while having his chin placed on top of his head.

Jaemin hums in delight and contentment. "We're both lucky to have each other. _Thank you for loving me, Jung Sungchan._ "

_"...and thank you for letting me, Na Jaemin."_

Just like that, Jaemin finds happiness, once again. Donghyuck was right, moving on does take a while, but the feeling when he's gone past the process, and when Jeno's name no longer pull a string in his heart, Jaemin is relieved. He's _happy_.

That's all that matters to both of them. 

In a _bitter cold_ heartbreak, Jaemin has found himself a _sweet warm_ home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm finally done with the epilogue! i hope this is to your liking? i wanted jaemin to have a happy ending, so this is what i came up with. i actually wanted to post this a lot sooner, but my laptop restarted and i lost half of the progress that i've made.
> 
> also, to anyone going through the same thing, hang in there! moving on takes time and different people have different paces, so don't be too hard on yourself! you'll find happiness, and that doesn't always mean finding love in other people, you can find love even in your own self.
> 
> thank you for reading! leave kudos and comments, if you like it! thanks!


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